Why Being In A Sh!t Mood Is Now A Perfectly Valid Reason To Bail

I’ve stopped making plans, at least for the next little while. Why? I can’t be counted on these days.

I’ve learned this about myself, over the last couple of months, after making plans with people and then continually bailing on plans, sometimes only a couple hours before we were supposed to meet and sometimes after bailing and rescheduling two or three times, before I actually force myself to meet whomever, only because I feel so incredibly guilty and how can one bail on meeting someone three times, without them thinking you’re either a complete flake, or take it personally that I really don’t want to meet them.

So why have I been bailing so much? Because I’m in a shit mood, that’s why. No more. No less. Most of the time I have no idea why I’m in a shit mood.

But cancelling plans for being in shit mood, I think, is now a perfectly valid reason to bail on plans that you’ve RSVP’d for or made with friends and family. 

Even if I wanted to explain myself I can’t. How do you explain a bad mood, for no reason, aside from the pandemic, the economic insecurity, the health of my children and family, and I might as well throw in Trump.

I know I’m disappointing my parents but I truly don’t think they’d understand me saying, “I don’t want you to catch my emotional contagion. I’m just in a shit mood. No, I don’t know why. But I do know I want to be alone to wallow in my bad mood, okay?”

I think it’s okay to wallow in your bad mood all day, getting up to see the children off, and getting back into bed, usually also with a little, um, self-medication, otherwise known as cannabis, is also occasionally acceptable.

I love my parents. I love my friends. I don’t want to be told that “exercise helps” or that “meditation helps,” or that getting a “pandemic puppy helps,” or that, “Writing in a journal helps.” I know all of this, thank you.

But I think we can’t get too upset these days, when people bail, especially if they are honest. And to my family? Please don’t take it personally when I say, “I’m not feeling well,” and bail on dinner. Please understand that I don’t like being in a bad mood, nor do I like cancelling. But what can I say? Every night before I go to bed, I wonder; “Will I wake up okay tomorrow? Or am I going to wake up in a bad mood?”

Honestly, it’s a total mystery. 

So friends, loved ones, and especially my parents, please don’t take me bailing personally. Please cut me some slack. I haven’t made plans with my parents even recently, not because I’m a horrible daughter, but I don’t want to feel the guilt on top of wallowing, if I wake up in my bad mood and bail.

That being said, it looks like I can pencil my parents in a week next Sunday since my calendar says I’ll be in a good mood.

I’m kidding. But, for the first time, when bailing, I can honestly say, “It’s not you! It’s me!”

Rebecca Eckler’s latest memoir is called Blissfully Blended Bullshit.