Maybe It's OK To Not Know Why

We give meaning to calamity by offering ourselves reassurance. We comfort ourselves with the knowledge that there is a pre-destined grand plan; that life is not just flurries of chaos arbitrarily floating into a blizzard. Everyone is searching for meaning in the face of this pandemic, asking where, how, when and mostly why. We are looking for something or someone to create calm in this storm of madness. Many have turned to Judaism for this solace, finding comfort in the rituals and structure religion provides. This can be soulful. But danger surfaces when religion is used to ascribe the purpose and intent of calamity to mortals.

I was 17 when I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I remember saying to my father, “God only gives you what He thinks you can handle, so I guess this is a kind of a backhanded compliment.” I was looking for meaning in my new diagnosis – meaning that would bring me closer to God, and closer to myself. Looking for intent with my new chronic illness would have been me blaming my defunct pancreas on that one time I stole a horoscope from Shoppers Drug Mart when I was 11.

Using religion as a means of explaining calamity is an outright defiance of belief in God. Implicit in belief is trust. We trust that we do not know everything, just as we believe God does. To say that we know why the world is upside down is in direct opposition to the belief that God runs the show. The reality is that we have no idea. We are lost. We are pointing to our siblings in blame the same way my kids readily throw their youngest brother under the bus when they perceive my anger.